Shut the Halal up.

Okay, so I know it’s exam time and I should be super stressing out right now (and I assure you, I am), but I just really, really, re-he-he-heeeeeeally needed to get something off my chest.


This question has been plaguing my conscience as of late, courtesy of a new story in The Sun. I’m sure you all know it, it’s about Halal meat at Pizza Express. I refuse to link to The Sun’s website, I’d sooner link you to Meatspin or Lemon Party, they probably produce much better journalism anyway. But still, not only was this a complete non-news story, but it’s also old. Pizza Express themselves admitted that all of their chicken is Halal, read here:

So not only is this old news, in my opinion, it’s not news at all. I’m not going to bore you with the the sheer mind sludge I’ve waded through, some of the worst cases of utterly nonsensical brain diarrhoea I’ve ever had the displeasure to read, or at least attempted to. Stories like this seem to bring out the worst people, not the worst in, the worst people, who only rise up like flag waving monsters from the fetid swamp of their own bigoted slime  to roar a bunch of hypocritical nonsense at people who couldn’t care less. The sad truth these days however, is that the swamp monsters seem to be outnumbering the rest of us.

My main point of contention is this: Why have people who up until now given no consideration to the “welfare” of their meat suddenly risen up in arms when they’ve found out they’ve been eating Halal meat?

The answer is simple, they don’t give two shits about animal welfare, this is simply the festering Islamophobic tendencies that have been spreading like rampant Herpes across the land flaring up under the cover of some pseudo-RSPCA foundation. At a rough estimate, I’d wager that 99% of these people don’t care whether the chicken they buy from Tesco is from battery hens or free range, they don’t care if their beef comes from a happy cow roaming around a field or a malnourished animal cowering in a dark shed, and they definitely don’t care if the meat in their Friday night Doner and chips is Halal or not. So why now has such a large portion of the public suddenly started spouting recycled nonsense about “animal cruelty”?

I am a vegetarian, I have been since birth, and as far as I see it this is the process by which you get your meat.

Point A – Animal is alive. Point B – Animal is dead and being made into your dinner. The process between A and B is the same whether meat is Halal or not, the animal is fucking killed by someone who then sells it to you to eat. Simple. Done. Arguments have been raised about animals being stunned, which 90% of Halal meat is, and the barbaric practice of slitting an animals throat and letting it bleed. Bullshit. It was alive, now it’s dead. You don’t care as long as it tastes nice and you damn sure don’t care whether it was killed in a factory or killed by a man who said a prayer and cut its neck with a surgically sharp knife that also cuts a nerve.

Something rare has happened over these past few days, I’ve been presented with an argument and for once I just wanted out. There’s no winning when you’re arguing with bigots who live in paranoid delusions of Britain being taken over by Sharia law and Mosques sprouting up in Waitrose car parks. The people who fail to understand why the Taliban are killing British soldiers when we’re occupying their homeland, those who react to the tiny minority of militant Muslims in exactly the same way by telling them to “fuck off back to Pakistan” and can’t fathom why it isn’t working. These people are broken on a fundamental level, fed a steady diet of UKIP propaganda and tabloid sensationalism, facts mean nothing to them. On a primal level it’s a defence of territory, instinctive, like Wolves marking a tree with their piss to scare off other packs. But humans don’t operate on a primal level, not normal well adjusted ones anyway, we are the smartest species because we have risen above those urges and developed the powers of reason.

Reason is what divides us from the rest of the animal kingdom (most of it anyway, fucking super smart Dolphins), and reason is the fundamental human trait that seems to have escaped the minds of anyone complaining about Halal and has hitched a ride to the nearest river to drown itself in. No rational person would react to this news how so many people have, and the terrifying thing is that these irrational people are the ones writing the newspapers, the ones running as MEPs, the ones starting facebook pages like Britain First, spreading hateful vitriol across the web instead of trying to promote co-operation and peace. These people need to be stopped.

It’s time for a new revolution, not one that is blatantly xenophobic while pretending to “protect Britain,” but a revolution of intelligence. It’s time to educate the public, to make sure that everyone knows and understands each other before deciding to hate one and other. Knowledge is power, and in this case knowledge has the power to stop our society from falling into what these people ultimately want, another crusade. Halal meat doesn’t spell the end of Britain, the people who claim it does do, driving this island away from a symbol of unity and multiculturalism to a fractured, divided and conflicted country. Yes there are Muslims who come here and preach hate, no one is denying that, but they are but a drop in the ocean compared to the ones who live here peacefully, who work hard, and who make great contributions to our society. Likewise there are a minority of British citizens who seem intent on driving them home, who can’t stand a piece of Halal chicken that tastes the same as a battery chicken on their Pollo Funghi, but we need to show them that they too are drops in the ocean compared to the overwhelming mass who want to co-exist and foster understanding.

It’s time to take a stand against bigots, idiots, and those who preach hate on both sides, it’s to present a united front of harmony, understanding and acceptance, and it’s time for people to shut the fuck up about Halal.

xoxo, The Chicken Donner Wrap Indian.



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