I knew this was going to come, the day that Student Beans and Buzzfeed would gradually take over my mind (combined with the fact that it’s very nearly almost 2014), it’s time for a listicle. For the uninitiated, a listicle is one of those things you see on the internet in which a “journalist” makes a list of a completely arbitrary number of some random topic, for example, “23 Pink Dresses That Totally Look Like Whitney Houston,” or “78 Random Facts about Pineapples.” But of course, it’s the end of the year, so it’s my turn to pick out an arbitrary number of things that caught my eye this year and make some shit up about them. Here we go.
#1 The Pope Resigns
The first Pope since 1415 to resign, and like so many others I found myself wondering, how can God’s appointee on Earth resign? I mean, surely if God appointed you you kind of have to, do your job? Benedict XVI was by no means a bad Pope, but he did definitely make a lot of people doubt how an essentially politicised process can be considered divine.
#2 Jennifer Lawrence wins an Oscar
Seriously, do I even have to explain this? I’m not ashamed to admit that I’m a bit in love with JLaw, she’s a great actress, a genuine person (just google her interviews), and smokin’ hot to boot. Basically, she’s great.
#3 Microsoft gets fined
Microsoft got fined for including Internet Explorer with every copy of Windows and monopolising the browser industry. This is hilarious.
#4 Chris Gayle
Chris Gayle made 100 runs off just 30 balls. For those of you claim they don’t understand Cricket, it’s actually really simple, and what Gayle did was insane. This ranks highly on my list of most awesome things to happen this year.
#5 A Dinosaur was discovered in China
Because Dinosaurs are cool.
#6 Andy Murray won Wimbledon
Wait, why’s this on here? I don’t give a shit about Murray. Stupid listicle.
#7 Some people ate a stem cell burger
It was a cow stem cell, but seriously, a stem cell burger? Probably tasted like crap as well. Stemmy crap.
#8 Confession time
Okay, I currently have a tab open with a list of new stories from every month of this year (some of you may have noticed a pattern), and there is a ludicrous amount of headlines saying “x number of people were killed in y by z.” Seriously, check it out: http://www.historyorb.com/events/date/2013?p=4, it’s depressing as fuck.
#9 Back to the list-ure
#10 Film, film, film!
There were a lot of good films out this year, and here’s a list of my favourites
- Gravity – amazespaceballs
- Pacific Rim – Giant robots fighting giant monsters, do you need more of a reason?
- The World’s End/This Is The End – because the apocalypse is hilarious
- The Place Beyond the Pines/Only God Forgives – Ryan Gosling, that is all.
- Stoker – seriously, watch this film, it is amazingly creepy.
- A Field In England – see reason above
- Don Jon – because porn
- Honourable mentions – The Great Beauty (Italian awesomeness), Blue Is The Warmest Colour (intensely intense French love), Iron Man 3/Thor/Man of Steel (superheroes!) and of course, The Hobbit. Because dragon.
#11 And the rest
A bunch of other shit happened, I honestly can’t remember, it was a very eventful year.
So, I’m not going to be hired by any listicle people any time soon, but screw it, this was my 2013. Occasionally political, often hilarious, and with way too much time spent watching films. And reading comics. And watching TV. I wish you all a very happy and prosperous new year, may it be full of lists and other such positive things.
XO (constipation face), The Annual Indian.